Heart Pocket Word for the Day is Discipline!

The word from my heart pocket is Discipline.

Finding a way. Sticking with it. Doing what it takes to meet my goal.That's what discipline means to me. I had to reframe the meaning of discipline for awhile because the negative definition - punishment - had attached itself so intensely to my psyche. The positive meanings of discipline are: training, regimen, will-power and self-control. These are wonderful! They are a means to an end. They are about getting better and becoming more. Good things come from them when they are balanced with rest, rejuvenation and release.

Discipline sometimes requires focus. If your goal requires coming to the same place every day for practice in order to get better at something, you can make it a game or you can compete with yourself by setting the standard just a smidgen higher each day. Picture you at the end of your goal. How do you look? Fit? Happy? Successful? This picture is a powerful motivator for discipline. It can get you in the car. It can help you say no. It can be an emphatic YES! when you make the choice to be disciplined.

Sometimes discipline can be overwhelming. If this is the case, choosing to do one thing toward your goal every day is a great way to begin. Make it reasonable and achievable. Get control over your mind (you are in charge, you know), shut off the "thinking" and just do it. As you gain self-control, you gain confidence and life in general becomes easier. 

Discipline is not punishment. Even when we need to be disciplined or when we need to exercise discipline with others - children, our animal friends ... my friend, Mertie, has to discipline her hair - there is no need for cruelty or unkindness. Discipline can be firm. It can be definite. It works best when we remember it is about guidance and teaching/learning, growing, reaching a goal.

I've always loved the expression "Reaching for the stars!". Now when I think of discipline, I attach the same feeling that comes with that expression to the goal for which I'm reaching and it inspires me to show up, one more time.
 
Discipline becomes easy when intention is strong. Intention supports it, lifts it up, gives it wings to make it joyful and light. Keep your intention alive within your discipline and no matter how you begin, you will succeed!

Kittie asks you to comment so others will learn from your wisdom (especially Kittie!). If you know someone who might enjoy this post, please share it by clicking the little envelope below. You can email it to a friend. You can receive a link to this blog, 5 days/week, by sending an email to Kittie@kittiebgoods.com. (http://kittiebgoods.com/) 

Heart Pocket Word for the Day is Process!

The word from my heart pocket is PROCESS!

If we were to go about our days willy-nilly, with no process, would there be satisfaction? I raise the question and ask you to help me process thoughts around it. When we process, we work through from one end of a challenge or project, consciously or un, to a stopping place. Like every story, the life of a project has a beginning, a middle and an end. All of those tiny steps, those precious details along the way, is what brings nuance and joy and learning to the challenge or project. No matter what the project - especially if it is our own life - when we begin to notice the hows, the whats, the whos, the wheres and the whys, our story is deeper and wider than when there is no awareness of processing at all.

Process is a vehicle and we get to choose what model and make. We get to drive our vehicle and go fast or slow, cautiously or wildly with complete abandon. Processes can change as we grow. They can also stay the same and the works of art look the same, day after day. That might be enough. It might grow old and stale. 

Who we are and how/what/where and why we process, affects the quality of our lives. The small pictures along our way are our challenges and our projects. The big picture is a collage of those smaller ones and we call it "My Life". The process of living works exactly the same process as the little things we choose each day. When we make a commitment to excellence in the little things, we choose to create an excellent life.

I am talking about true success. It might be about money for some. It could mean fame for others. Family is a process with which we are all familiar. When we work for an end result, the process includes all the things we think are important to making the result happen. If we focus on the result to the exclusion of everything else, we are likely to achieve the result more quickly because our process is streamlined and geared toward one thing only. For some people, this is satisfying. For some people, it is enough. For some, it is everything. When our vision is clear, we process in this focused manner. What if your vision isn't about one thing? What if you like variety? What if the idea of excluding anything - let alone everything - feels myopic and rigid and empty? The journey will be very different from that of one who chooses to focus on one thing, and we still process to reach our destination.

There is no one way. There is no right or wrong. To those who choose one thing, it might seem frivolous to dally along the way. To those who choose all things, it might seem that we will miss something important, something beautiful. To those who choose one thing, the beauty is the thing. To those who choose many goals, the delight comes from having all of those choices available. 

In any case, however we process our works of art - our lives - when it feels empty or confusing, examine the process. Is there a need for more connection with people? Do we need to relax and get out of our intellect? Is there a need to stop and organize so we can feel where we are, to see where we're going? A process is a map. To process is to follow that map. Some of us have lists. Some of us read our way, following a path already taken, stopping here and there to enjoy the view, to share what others have discovered. Others have intuitive maps, working from a basecamp, exploring new paths, finding the way their way ...

Process. It is thinking and doing and feeling and choosing. We can over-process and get lost in the process. We can no-process and wander about feeling scattered and confused. Process likes choice. Process like decision. It loves movement - whether toward one focused goal or toward many different goals. Process is exploring and exciting and determined and process shapes and reshapes itself to fit our needs. We are in charge of process. Nurture and love yours. Lift it up, let it rest, feed it, be kind to it. Let your process take the lead sometimes. Observe it and guide it, then let it go! 

(Many of you have wanted to comment. Blogger tells me they have fixed this issue. If you have the time, please comment below to test the process!)

Life Fitness

What is Life Fitness?

I'm getting fit. I'm not there yet. Today, when I was walking on the treadmill without headphones or a book or any other distractions, all I had to read was the brand name of the machine. Life Fitness. For the next 40 minutes I walked and ran and walked and ran and walked and decided to run with another meaning of the phrase. 

What is life fitness?

One definition is "Being a fit for your life". Minding your business. Taking care of yourself. Doing the best you know how and learning how to get better at everything that is important to you. For some reason we struggle with this. I think that's because it's intuitive and we've been programmed with shoulds, oughts and other modals. Most of us spend our lives trying to "figure it out". But spending time figuring out life's mysteries, although It's fun to ponder, matters most when it propels us forward and brings us a sense of peace. The real culprit standing in the way of life fitness is thinking there's something out there we need to know before we begin; that there is some sort of General Perfection Standard to meet and if we don't measure up, we're not going to be happy. Oh dear.

Of course we don't know everything! Uncertainty is certain and that's about the only thing that is. If we are really fit, we do the things we have control over and let go of the rest. We have more time for what we love when we let go. The positive tools for life fitness are: Communication, Creativity, Compassion. Enthusiasm, Energy, Exercise. Education/Learning. Optimism. Persistence. Release of what has run its course. These tools serve us well and get better with practice. We fit in our lives when we do and feel and say and think in ways that make sense for us. Fitting into your life is balanced and honorable and it is your right from the day you are born.

Uncertainty gives us an edge. It plays with us and if we thrive, we attempt new things, trying them on for size. Do they fit? Do you need a different style? Have you outgrown a certain fashion? Have you lost your job and see it's time to live a new dream? Are you content where you are and see it's time to let yourself relax, letting go of old responsibilities? What fits best for you? 


I head back to the treadmill tomorrow. It fits in my life because exercise makes me feel good! I used to look at it and think "Uuggghh". Now I can't wait for my 40 minutes of release. Life Fitness. It's the fulfilled way to live.

Kittie asks you to comment below. Your comments help others whether you agree or disagree. Sharing your thoughts can bring wisdom and perspective. Click on the title above the picture, Life Fitness, and learn about Natasha Renette, a personal trainer who works with the individual. Everyone's body is different. She works to make you the best YOU can be!

RELAAAAAAX ...

My friend, Nancy Swan Drew, ironically, drew this picture. I use the word "ironically" not only to put a word in between the words Drew and drew, but because my friend is also one of the hardest working people I know. As she proclaims "...I have never suffered from what is called 'creative block'; only a shortage of hours on the clock ...". I know this is true. I also know that Nancy has learned the importance of relaxation and how vital it is to her well being and to her art.

Unlike Nancy, many of us get stopped from time to time when a task is looming. The words don't come or the numbers don't add up or the marketing idea is far from the tip of your tongue. We struggle and stress and trip over ourselves trying to make things happen. We push and shove and punch ourselves in the brain. No WONDER we're exhausted and call it "having a bad day"!

RELAAAAAAAX ...

Relax into whatever is happening. Even when you have a deadline - ESPECIALLY when you have a deadline - this technique works beautifully. Take a walk outside of the building. Drink a big glass of cool clean water. Take 10 very deep breaths with your eyes closed. Go to the grocery store and take time choosing something yummy to eat. Treat yourself nicely. Stretch out.

 RELAAAAAAAX ...

Move into the feeling of the moment. It goes against what we're taught, it is discouraged at every turn, it is the exact right thing to do. It is not laziness or avoidance or diversion. We do use those excuses sometimes to not do what needs to be done. This relaxation exercise is for when we need to give our brains a lift, when the ideas have stopped, when the only thoughts we're having are self-deprecating or blaming. By removing yourself from your environment - whether through deep breathing or actually going somewhere - you increase your productivity 100-fold. 
And the words somehow fall into place, the numbers become magical again and the perfect marketing idea is triggered by something the sacker at the grocery store said as he put your treat in the bag. 
Persistence is important to success. It has to last a long time so be nice to it. Congratulate it and give it a chance to refuel. Say it with me now. One. Two Three ...

RELAAAAAAAX ...

Kittie asks you to comment (below) and to become a follower (upper right side of the page). Thank you, Nancy, for the gift of your art and words. To check out the books and art of Nancy Swan Drew, click here:  
http://www.amazon.com/Nancy-Swan-Drew/e/B001KJ5ZF0

Elephants In The Room

What if when every time one of our fears showed up, 

HUGE AND UNMOVABLE, 

we just laughed at it? 

What if we knew this response would change how we saw the fear? 

What if seeing it differently caused us to feel differently about it?

What if the feeling was less desperate and more real?

What if this more real feeling took away the panic and cleared our minds?

What if our clear minds had windows?

What if we looked out of the clear windows of our minds and saw new options 

and possibilities?

And what if the new options and POSsibilities became

LARGER THAN THE FEAR?

What would life look like then?

Please comment below .... 

  BECOME A FOLLOWER!!

(Right side of page, scroll down to "Followers" and click). When you follow it gives others confidence to do the same!

Photo credit: www.mountcarmelschool.net/.../index.html THANK YOU!

 

Coloring Your Resume

Your resume. It's your ticket in. It's your way out. It toots your horn and helps you get your foot in the door. A good resume lists what you've done, what you do now and for whom. It is clear and concise, an abbreviated list of your life that - hopefully - fits on one page. Experts tell us that a busy employer receives many resumes for the same job and that the first round consists of what is known as "the 30-second scan". The boss (or the boss's assistant) quickly scans the pile of resumes for anything that sets a candidate apart from the rest.

There are so many suggestions our there: use bulleted sentences, use action words, use #s, $s and %s, list your strengths, use buzzwords, accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, highlight your breadth of knowledge, show what you know, show who you are ...

WAIT!!!

Show who you are ...
What if we REALLY showed who we are on our resumes? How would we look to the world?

 

Kittie Beletic

1409. S. Lamar

NY, NY 10009

___________________________________________________________
kittie@kittiebgoods.com                                                                     T 917-646-972

Communications expert with broad experience in parenting, cooking and making a home. Entrepreneurial initiative ranging from creative concept through completion. Excellent people skills extensive exposure to family environment including schoolwork, scraped knees and goodnight kisses. Expertise includes:
*  Building public relations through interaction with teachers, 
   plumbers, dance instructors, baseball coaches.
*  Ability to multi-task and prioritize, within the home and for 
   special events
*  Effective communication in the kitchen, from creative concept    
   through fulfillment and distribution
* Working knowledge of compassion, creativity, energy distribution, 
   anger management, animal husbandry and nutrition.
* Relationship building, storytelling, self-esteem restoration

 

Getting the picture?

What if resumes were not about tasks we have done, but how we made our way and what we learned as we went along?

Kittie Beletic
1409 S. lamar

NY, NY 10009
_______________________________________________________________________

kittie@kittiebgoods.com                                                                T 917-646-972 

BUSINESS EXPERIENCE

KITTIEBGOODS.COM    IN, MI, OH, MA, CO, NY, TX              1950-Present

President/Owner

I was raised in a loving home, used my frame of reference and learned skills to create a family of my own. I wasn't fully prepared for everything that happened (including divorce) and although I did my best, I can honestly say I might have done a few things differently. I gained knowledge and expertise (and on and off, a little weight) in a diverse range of abilities including theatre, parenting, arts & crafts, friendship, carpooling, songwriting, real estate and public relations. I aged appropriately.

Is the picture getting clearer?

I left a few things out but in writing that first paragraph I could see it wasn't going to fit on just one page.  I'm not just a wife and mother. I am a sister and a daughter, a neighbor and a friend. I am a teacher and at the same time a student. I dig deep for love at times and I know both anger and gratitude. I am flexible and persistent and I like the feeling I have when it pays off. I rip out my knitting over and over because I believe in excellence. When I do this, I learn more than just how to get the pattern right. I'm the kind of person who needs down time so I can let my creativity germinate and explore. I love working with others and my kindergarten report card said that I share well and I do. From practicing singing and typing, I know that I get better by doing. Going to the gym 6 days/week was a hard choice and now I know the feeling of true discipline which feels nothing like punishment. I also know I can achieve anything to which I apply my focus.

I have, of course, worked outside the home and those jobs gave me incredible experiences I could bring home to my family and into my next work adventure. I gained insight and increased skills in technology, in confidence, in self-esteem. I took risks, paid the price and basked in the glory. But what if our resumes were filled with the kind of historical honesty of the previous paragraph? How much more would my employer know about me if I told about the times I tried and missed the mark and kept trying until I made it work? What if I could paint the picture showing the imperfections of my character and how I strive to become better not just for myself, but for the people I love, my clients and my fellow man? How would the picture look?

 

Refreshingly clear.

Photo by Lucy Boody, Telluride, CO

 

Kittie asks you to comment below. Please become a follower of this blog. I promise not to flood your mailbox with pictures and platitudes. Your support gives people the confidence to subscribe to these articles. If it feels right, forward it on to someone you think might enjoy receiving it. Wishing everyone a great week!

 

Hop On Board!

Vision Board. Hands up! How many have created one? Ooooolala! It is very fun and can be VERY revealing. Quite simply, a Vision Board is an illustration of something you would like to achieve; a goal you set for yourself, a situation or thing you would like to be in your life. It can be lifestyle related as in career or a relationship; it can be a long-life dream you now want to come true; it can be something you want to happen soon or some time in the future. You might want to alter a circumstance that already exists, to make it better. A Vision Board is a way to physically express your innermost desires with wanton abandon!

There are no rules for this wildly creative game. You can play it with others or by yourself. You can use a pencil or crayon. You can express it as a poem or in the form of a business plan. You can use graphs and charts and torn out pictures and phrases from magazines. You can hand write your vision. You can type it, print it and glue it on a piece of cardboard. You can paint it on plywood. You can sew it on a tapestry. You can make it a book or a framed piece of art. It is fully your expressiveness with no boundaries, no judgment; It is an affirmation of your deepest desire.

When I first began this process long ago, it was on New Year's Day. I went to my neighbor's house - a tradition - to share leftover holiday food and watch the long day of football. Ice skating is my sport so I usually brought some needlework or something to keep my hands busy. One year, I brought a large pad of watercolor paper, a black pen and my box of paints. With little forethought, I painted a house in the woods with a large stream running behind it and pine trees flanking both sides. There was a second building to the left of the house and I wrote the word "Studio" on a little sign over the door. There was a circular drive in the front and I drew a statue of a fairy/angel sitting in the middle of a flower bed in the center of the driveway. I liked my picture. It was very primitive and I hung it in my country kitchen and looked at it all year long. In August of that year, I looked at property in Colorado and bought a little house. I didn't notice until I was doing some packing in the kitchen when I returned to my home. I had purchased the little house in the woods I had painted - it was identical to my picture!

Sounds dramatic. It is. It has happened that dramatically a couple of other times for me. Other pictures have been more subtle. Last year I tried several times throughout the year to make a Vision Board. Nothing came. I was completely uninspired with no vision at all. 2009 was a year of logistics for me. Challenging in the sense that creating was not my focus. Like many in today's economic distress, I had to reframe my business, find new clients and new ways to make a living. It was a year of learning new skills, testing my strength, developing strategies I never dreamed I would need. It was a hard year of letting go. Having a vision, a place where I have mapped out my goals and dreams would have been helpful. A touchstone to use as a base from which to work and a reminder of what is important to us is sometimes all it takes to center us, to put us back on track in the life we love.

When I hopped on board this year, it was not without some trepidation. Here's how I began:

 From what looks like chaos came some very clear and visionary pieces. Fill your head. Ignite your soul. Drain your pen. Since last December I have been burning up the keyboard - both computer and piano. Clearly this is a 2010 focus for me. Exercise - voice, mind, body, heart. I have retained a voice teacher, renewed my gym membership, applied for 2 new jobs related to art and music. There are other key words that flowed out of my pen as I drew a picture of a face with one eye (FOCUS) and the words ideas, heartsongs, inspirational programs using music and readings floating effortlessly out of the top of the head. Dollar-sign shaped phrases indicated being valued for my work. I included a trip to my favorite getaway in BOLD LETTERS. Love is in the air.

Your vision belongs to you. The point of this powerful and intimate exercise is to make your dreams come true. There's no mystery here. It's not a passive calisthenic. It's a real workout and it's fun! There's no time frame. You can make a good start, keep it accessible and add to it. You get to change your mind because that's where it started anyway. Put your heart and soul into it and it WILL happen. Be Honest. Be Bold. Go Wild.

I've taped the doodled VB on my kitchen wall. I'll see it every day. I made a more refined and beautiful piece to hang above my couch. It is the picture at the lead of this story. The painting isn't my doing. I found it among some images in a magazine and the artist wasn't named.(If someone recognizes this piece, please comment below. I would LOVE to give credit!) I chose the image because of the colors, the tree that symbolizes growth and my love for nature. I photoshopped the woman in the picture and took the essence of my doodling inserting it into the image as words. It is 24" x 36" and I pasted bits of colored paper to the tree, the woman's dress and to the ground to give it texture. I love how it looks and hanging in my living room, I will see it every day. It will remind me of my goals this year, how much I love beauty and that my greatest joy is the exchange of creative energy with others. Now I know what this year will bring: Beauty, work that is joyful and meaningful, value for my books and musicals, my art and my work exploring creativity with others.

Here are some links to some Vision Board experts. In particular, take a look at Ken Johnston's Heart of Your Life Journaling Workshop. http://www.kenjohnston.com/workshops/workshops.htm Be sure to browse Ken's fine original art and prints on his beautiful website!

http://edwardmills.com/visionboard/
http://www.unfoldingyourlifevision.com/workshop

There is one more picture I'd like to share. It was also from a magazine - an ad for something I know not what. But it embodies my intensity for 2010. I've framed it and put it in my bathroom to greet me every morning. 

GO BABY!!!!

Kittie invites you to comment on this article below. Others benefit from your experiences. You can remain anonymous if you wish. Upcoming booking calendar is in the works. Become a follower (eyes right) and please forward this blog to anyone you think might be interested. Happy Visioning!

Success and Failure

                                                       Chiura Obata, Japanese painter

Why do we do what we do? The choices we make, what drives us to them? Well, the answers to those questions are as individual as we are and the times they've been addressed are equally infinite in number. I think the why and the choices, although important, are not as vital as the fact that we try.

I am talking about the entities known as success and failure. Both are driving forces in our culture. They move us and they have the power to destroy, but only if we let them.

A story ...

Chiura Obata, a Japanese immigrant and painter, arrived in the US in 1903, intending to stay only a short while before moving on to Paris to study his art. As a young man he was a domestic servant and he was one of the co-founders of the first Japanese-American baseball teams on the mainland. In 1927, he visited Yosemite National Park and he was so moved by the beauty of the land, and by the stillness he found there, he remained for two months, traveling and painting what he called "great nature". His exhibitions brought great joy and "new eyes" to Americans. Seeing this great national treasure through his efforts was inspirational and healing to many people. He became an illustrator and commercial decorator. Eventually, he became a faculty member in the Art Department at the University of California at Berkeley. But his work was interrupted by WWII, and he was forced to spend well over a year in internment camps for the Japanese. He created an art school within the camps and when he was transferred to the Topaz War Relocation Center in Utah, he became the Founder and Director of the Topaz Art School which had 16 artist/instructors who taught 23 subjects to their students. Post-war, he contiued to exhibit and for many summers, he returned to his beloved Yosemite with his wife - also an artist - to teach art and talk about art in nature.

I tell Mr. Obata's story because of his approach to his life's work.

Success and failure. Mr. Obata had equal opportunity for both. I was not aware of his work until I recently watched The National Parks: America's Best Idea on PBS. Five minutes of the episode on Yosemite highlights his work there. Simple, colorful, inspired - I was drawn in, just like those who experienced it at the time it was painted. But it was the man's reason for making the choices he did - we're back to the why and the choices - that caused me to share these thoughts.

"Success or failure is not my aim in life. Whether I be a flake of snow or only a drop of dew, I do not care. I wish only to paint with gratitude to nature in my heart, and with sincerity in my brush. This is my future. This is my biography. Chiura Obata 

I do not know the angst he suffered. I was not with him when he met fear and doubt, anger and injustice. But I am inspired by his idea of not having success as the goal. I smile when I think about there being no such thing as failure. Removing the unspoken onus attached to them is like clearing a path to my joy and I am unburdened.

Our society grows things backwards. Despite itself, there is brilliance and innovation and beauty and humor and joy. When we meet a boulder bigger than our mind's capacity for strength to move it, if we can recall the thought that success or failure is not the point, it becomes a pebble on the path, respected for its part in building a good life.

Kittie invites you to comment directly below this posting - sharing your thoughts will inspire someone who needs it! Become a follower of this blog by adding yourself in the "following this blog" section along the right column of the page. Please forward to anyone you think might enjoy the read. I'm happy to include them on the mailing list. Just send me a note! HAPPY NEW YEAR!


Pssst ... Mr. Obata was prolific! I've included a few extra images below. One of my favorites was a postcard he sent to one of his children that reads: "The lovely moon is gone. It went to bed early to sleep. Grow big and shine more!" 

  

The Balance of Nature, the nature of balance ...

"The Balance of nature refers to the theory that ecological systems are usually in a stable equilibrium (homeostasis), which is to say that a small change in some particular parameter (the size of a particular population, for example) will be corrected by some negative feedback that will bring the parameter back to its original "point of balance" with the rest of the system. It may apply where populations depend on each other, for example in predator/prey systems, or relationships between herbivores and their food source. It is also sometimes applied to the relationship between the Earth's ecosystem, the composition of the atmosphere, and the world's climate." (from Wikipedia, December 21, 2009)

"When we don't have something, we have to compensate, we have to find our balance in other ways." Emily Carr, Painter

The above describes the cycle of living. It occurs to me that our worlds - nature, our relationships, our scientific world, the spiritual realm; art, business, athletics, health/physical - all of the facets of living we experience are going through a kind of natural balancing act. We are catching ourselves before we go beyond repair. There are many great tools emerging that have taken a back seat to ambition, gain, competition and progress. The nature of balance is to regrow, refurbish, rework until equilibrium is restored. The balancing of nature is a wonderful model to observe. We also see it in our children, our animal friends and if we allow ourselves, we can see it in our individual and collective relationships inside ordinary activities. 

In art, in business models, in emotions - perspective shows us different ways of seeing. What works for one may not appeal to another eye. It is in the differences of perspective that we achieve balance. Some of the tools coming to the forefront for use in this balancing act are: Creativity, Compassion, Communication; Energy, Enthusiasm, Education; Originality, Openness, and being Others Oriented. As we utilize these tools, we can literally feel our lopsided world right itself. 

It begins at home - that is, with ourselves. Starting right where we are, seeing what is, scooping it up into our arms and appreciating it - this is a place to begin. If you already do this, the next step is to try out some of the tools. As we work with them, we find that we begin to see and feel and ultimately, act in new ways and the balancing act becomes a song, harmonious with those around us. The tension necessary to hold us upright returns.

It is important to note that balance isn't forever, at least not in our human world. We have a propensity for excess - too much of a "good" thing. As good as something may seem, moderation is best in all circumstances. (Thank you, Elmer) It leaves room for every thing, every one ... and that, my friends, is the nature of balance - eternal and there for us to use at will!

Kittie invites you to comment below this article. Your thoughts and ideas might reverberate with others. She thanks you for sharing ... Become a follower (look in the right-hand column). Be sure to list your website or blog of you have one! 

Wishing everyone a blessed holiday with family, friends, and loved ones! See you in the New Year!

GIFT

Gift. As a figure of speech it is both noun and verb. As a focus for many of us this time of year, it can be both joy and duty. For me, it is creative and meaningful and fun! I love the giving and the receiving equally and I relish as much in the presentation as anything.

But it is good to remember the heart of it ...

I cannot speak for others because it is my own heart with whom I am familiar. I have given too much in the name of appearances. I have given too little for lack of imagination. I have even received and been disappointed, and it was merely my own expectation that diminished the joy. 

To offer a gift is a ritual so special, it can get lost in the crowd. When presumption or accountability get involved, gifting becomes joyless and a burden. There are lots of ways to lighten this load, to make it more meaningful and to breathe new life into a tradition intended for good.

It works best for both giving and receiving when the heart is open and greets these customs with arms outstretched. True gifts reach across boundaries, not only to touch the receiver but to strengthen compassion within ourselves and to deepen our personal sense of love. We spend time in thought about another, getting outside of our problems or interrupting our routine and that adds to the gift. Home-made gifts from children delight us so! Why not use our minds, our hands, our creativity to make something to communicate how much we value the person who will receive? Last year, my sister-in-law gave me the most beautiful memory book - FULL of pictures of us together, of our children when they were little. She cut out and wrote in her own hand words and phrases to describe how she feels about me and she cut out scenes that symbolize her love for me. I have picked that book up countless times and that one gift has lightened my heart throughout the year! My daughter has designed jewelry out of ribbons and metal pieces, crafting incredible works of wearable art. She hand-sewed a leather bag with pieced suede leaves and a braided handle. People have stopped me on the street to find out where I bought something so beautifully unusual. 

My friend, Lucy, often prefers to gift when it is needed or when her spirit is moved to offer a surprise. I love this practice! It's so satisfying to delight someone with something they want or need when they least expect it!

We don't have to make gifts for them to be meaningful. It truly is "the thought that counts". When I unwrap something I really need, or would never get for myself ... when the surprise comes spontaneously and sometimes with sacrifice, it is a real gift, one to be cherished and make me smile.

I have so many gift stories. I want to include two of them here. 

The first is hard to write because it comes with so much emotion. It is about my son. He is good about giving gifts, his heart grinning from one side to the other as he makes his presentation! I have imagined the fun he has making plans! I think if I published the list of his gifts here, it would embarrass him, so I won't. He knows how grateful I am for his thoughtfulness. He cannot know how incredibly helpful his support and sacrifice has meant to me ...

The second story involves both of my children, but specifically, my daughter. I wrote about it at the time it happened and called the short story "Surrender" because the gift required me to be truthful and to put aside my prideful nature in order to receive. I include it here, with editing for time's sake. It happened a long time ago, when my kids were still in school. As you read, perhaps something similar will come to mind for you ...

SURRENDER  

The past few years have been extra lean at our house. I made some choices that didn't help matters and I am grateful they weren't fatal. We are slowly working our way back, learning as we go. I included my kids in this process because on what felt like the "Eve of Destruction", they caught me crying in my bedroom and I could think of nothing else to tell them but the truth.

The days that followed were spent discussing ways to cut back and how to generate more money. We all participated. As we moved through the problem, something bigger happened to me. One of the things I knew to be true was that in this world you must persist. At every turn, in every way, you plant your feet, square your shoulders and face the giant. Sometimes the giant feels too big to face alone. What if he seems to have no heart, no reason, no mercy? What if when you square and face him, he looks exactly like your greatest fear with an army of endless doubt standing right behind him on the point of no return? 

At this juncture we become who we are, what we have practiced to this point ... and then the angels appear.

I had become a pillar of alabaster. So practiced was I at being strong and good in the name of outward appearances, I looked just fine to those in the outside world. I was one from whom to seek guidance and direction. 

 

Inside, I was slowly hollowing out, becoming more and more brittle as I denied myself the truth, seeking solace from no one. Shining and white and as breakable as porcelain ... and when on the "Eve of Destruction", I collapsed in despair in my bedroom, God sent the angels in to help me. I looked at the loving faces of my children through my tears and humbly, gratefully fell into their arms.

There have been subsequent angels in my life. They know who they are. Through surrender came rejuvenation and I am better at guidance and direction now. A few weeks ago, I happily sent the gift of a sizable check to my daughter at college with a note attached that said, "Use this for what you want the most." It felt so good to be able to do it!

Last night, I was sitting on the front porch of our house enjoying the evening breeze when a car pulled up and out jumped my daughter, arms outspread, yelling "SURPRISE!" I couldn't believe my eyes!

 

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

She answered with a triumphant smile on her face.

 

"You said to use that money for what I wanted the most, so here I am!"

As we surrender to love, so do we teach it.

 

Any gift offered in love lasts a lifetime. It matters and reciprocally, it benefits giver as much as the person who receives. Put JOY into your gift giving this year! It isn't how many or how costly ... it is how much heart lives inside.

Do you have a story of gift-giving or receiving to share? Please post yours in the comments section directly below. Wishing everyone HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!