Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

My yesterday's behavior has shaped my today. Yesterday was hard for me. A huge challenge arose at the top of the day and threatened to ruin not only the day but months and months of thought, research and planning. My first reaction was to cry. I allowed myself to feel the sadness of the news, to feel sorry for someone like me who had put so much energy and care into this project and whose efforts were marked for doom. There is much riding on this venture; freedom, future dreams, money, new horizons. Taking it personally was a natural reaction. I cried for a good 15 minutes.

The phone call came as I was going out the door to do errands and then meet a friend for lunch. When the crying had released most of the emotion, my head cleared a little. I knew from experience how important it was to continue my day as planned. Hard as it was to get into my car and do my now menial errands and then have to put on an acceptable face for lunch, I did it. My first errand was the Post Office. Mailing something in a timely manner as promised was the impetus for getting me out of my surroundings and into some fresh air. At the Post Office, I purchased a large envelope, slipped my document inside and addressed the package. I stepped up to pay the Post Mistress and she stared at the label. “Now isn’t that a coincidence”, she said, pointing at the address. I peeked across the counter and noticed I had used the street name as the recipient’s last name. I laughed and took off my sunglasses that had been hiding my teary eyes. “I – I was a little upset about something. My fault. Sorry.” The Post Mistress grinned an empathetic smile. “I figured it was something like that. Don’t you worry much, Honey. Everything always turns out for the best.” This lady virtually reached across the counter and gave me a hug with her words. I was so grateful.

I moved on to lunch but my mind was preoccupied and my friend noticed. I launched into my story but I surprised myself by my much improved attitude. I wasn’t as upset as I had been! I was able to tell the story without much emotion and my friend responded with some thoughts, and with a look on his face that was both understanding and caring. The food tasted wonderful in the company of my friend, and once again, gratitude swept through me.

When I arrived back home, poised and ready to tackle the challenge, I found I was able to make a clear list of creative ideas on how to approach the situation. A few advisors came to mind and I made calls to get some additional input. I made a list of options should the worst-case scenario play out. I looked at the small stack of notes and I smiled. That smile went straight to my heart. I was back in charge of myself – my emotions, my thoughts, my creativity – all working energetically toward a solution. I felt so good.

I took a long bath and made a good dinner. My pal, Emma, joined me on the couch and we watched something mindless. I knitted and Emma snoozed. I went to bed early and slept well. When I awoke this morning, it was true: My yesterday's behavior shaped my today.

Our world is upside down right now. Many people will experience what I did yesterday; there will be changes made to our lives through circumstances beyond our immediate control. What we DO have control over is our response to what we experience. Taking charge of ourselves isn’t all that hard, but it does take practice. A few ideas of ways to proceed are:

1. Let yourself feel your emotions completely. Release them through crying or writing or punching that old pillow, if necessary. Call a trusted friend – one who won’t repeat your story; one who will simply let you vent without fueling the fire. When it’s done, take a few deep breaths. Try smiling. It relaxes 13 muscles in your face and has a huge psychological effect on the body.

2. Go about your business. Unless what you are facing is an emergency, continue in your day as planned. Allow yourself to interface with people, removing yourself from the surroundings where you received the news. Get out among the public. This helps you be more in control of your emotions. If you are unable to control yourself, admit to the others that you’ve been upset. You can either excuse yourself or if it feels right, allow those around you to empathize. Accept those hugs!

3. Time to be proactive! Write down the problem, the challenges it brings to the current situation. List every single worry and irritation you have. You might find that this “list” turns into another way of expressing feelings. Let ‘er rip! Better here than adding an automobile accident to the mix. Some very surprising and helpful facts might come forward. Think about who could be helpful; are there co-workers, friends, family, advisors who have knowledge or experience in this area? Write down their names and see who pops out as someone who might offer OBJECTIVE and POSITIVE ideas. Accept what is given. Make your own choices based on what feels right.

4. Nurture yourself with healthy food. Go to the movies. If you have an animal friend, take a long walk or spend some time petting the cat, loving on the dog. Turn on some of your favorite music and sing along. Direct the orchestra. Be a part of something completely unrelated to what is bothering you.

5. Allow. Allow your feelings. Allow some ‘down time’. Allow the wee small voice inside you to offer ideas. Allow people to love you, care for you, do nice things for you.

6. Be grateful. Look at what is good in your life. It might not come easily at first, but when you get into it, you will be amazed at how good your life really is! If you are able to do all of the above - have the time, the mind and heart, the skills - to meet your own challenges and work through them to a better place, this is something to be acknowledged and appreciated!

7. Rejoice. I should say, REJOICE! (Thank you, Annie ...) A friend reminded me about the power of rejoicing in the face of disaster. On the back side of gratitude comes the rejoicing. When you can meet your challenges with joy in your heart, miracles will happen!

Inside each of us are specific strengths and weaknesses. When we are feeling weak, it is important to let those strengths take over. Supporting ourselves takes courage. If Bravery and valor are not your strongest qualities, contact the bravest person you know and ask for help. If it is financial advice you need, get input from those who are like you in spirit and have succeeded financially. When the challenge is about a relationship, seek out a friend you trust with the deepest part of yourself to share and ask for emotional support. In every case, start small so you can clear your mind and heart of too much emotion and desperation. Never make big decisions when you are upset.

2009 is about change. That’s not just President Barack Obama’s mantra, it belongs to all of us. If we see ourselves as one, we will support each other to reach our individual goals. Again, starting small and making headway that is exponential is the surest way to happiness and success!

Until next time,

Kittie